I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
