tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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