What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
