Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
