New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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