Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
