If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
