is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
