It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
