Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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