You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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