piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
