well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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