Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
