just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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