GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
