Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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