Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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