Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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