So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
