That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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