They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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