Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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