drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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