There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
