home. puking in laundry basket.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
