Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
