guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
