Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
