i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it