apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend