Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
