You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
