drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
