St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
