And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
