first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
