Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
