I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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