I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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