i think i scared a bird with my dick
i came on her dog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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