textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?