Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken

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(805): saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken http://tfl.nu/k7ra

Replies (20) Good night (627) Bad night (3460)
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(478): View more from Georgia

I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

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(478): I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/kb80

Replies (23) Good night (3461) Bad night (856)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.

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(712): I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house. http://tfl.nu/f9eu

Replies (28) Good night (673) Bad night (3601)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

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(217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn

Replies (25) Good night (10745) Bad night (921)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

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(724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s

Replies (19) Good night (6313) Bad night (864)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.

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(513): I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle. http://tfl.nu/7tfd

Replies (15) Good night (4011) Bad night (840)
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(518): View more from New York

I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.

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(518): I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon. http://tfl.nu/pj69

Replies (9) Good night (1221) Bad night (3432)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

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(402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq

Replies (13) Good night (3179) Bad night (1028)
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(614): View more from Ohio

she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.

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(614): she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again. http://tfl.nu/e05t

Replies (2) Good night (2103) Bad night (1144)
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(541): View more from Oregon

No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.

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(541): No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/g7wu

Replies (5) Good night (2116) Bad night (319)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.

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(201): Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/pcyi

Replies (8) Good night (494) Bad night (1165)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.

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(480): Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xfpb

Replies (6) Good night (267) Bad night (460)
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(239): View more from Florida

I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems

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(239): I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems http://tfl.nu/p6dg

Replies (8) Good night (631) Bad night (321)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b

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(403): Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b http://tfl.nu/9tf8

Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (265)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants

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(617): I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants http://tfl.nu/2nl4

Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (195)

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