what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
