I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!