Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

  (360): View more from Washington

  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
  Replies (5) Good night (716) Bad night (2271)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution" http://tfl.nu/yos3
  Replies (22) Good night (6208) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm so hungover that the internet is hard. http://tfl.nu/0l8c
  Replies (17) Good night (4148) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed http://tfl.nu/sgs1
  Replies (19) Good night (3781) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum http://tfl.nu/virf
  Replies (4) Good night (1884) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done

  (760): View more from California

  Victory lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done (760): Victory lap http://tfl.nu/nhvd
  Replies (5) Good night (3090) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1
  Replies (14) Good night (2839) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made. http://tfl.nu/41km
  Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left http://tfl.nu/2seq
  Replies (16) Good night (909) Bad night (2477)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/nafu
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier. http://tfl.nu/oqez
  Replies (8) Good night (2007) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings. http://tfl.nu/38vk
  Replies (7) Good night (1308) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING http://tfl.nu/avf7
  Replies (4) Good night (886) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns http://tfl.nu/dd5q
  Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor. http://tfl.nu/ygxz
  Replies (5) Good night (915) Bad night (333)

Randomize