Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.