so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
