Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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