I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i came on her dog
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
