Well now I have my semen on her headphones
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
