do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
