apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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