you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
