Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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