What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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