Sponge bath it is.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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