I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
