dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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