She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
