I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
