Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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