im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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