they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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