my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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