The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
