I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
