i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
