is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
