I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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