guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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