I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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