I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think my moral compass just broke
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