What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Are we still banned from the library?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
