Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
