i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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