Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
