I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
