the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
