Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
