he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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