May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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