"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
