Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
