I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
