sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
