one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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